Tonight I had a talk with my dad, we were talking about ED (yet again) and basically I had a huge realization. I realized I’ve been going downhill for a while now and it’s only getting worse, and that I DONT WANT TO ANYMORE. If I keep this up I will end up in the hospital again. I do not want that. That’s no way to live. I would rather be dead than be inpatient again because you. Are. Not. Even. Living.
I’d rather pick myself up now and save myself the huge amount of time that could be wasted dying in an eating disorder ward, not happy at all, being poked and stabbed every hour, being hooked up to a machine, being watched and forced to eat, with strict rules and no freedom. What type of life is that? I don’t want it again. Fuck you ed.
I’m going to do the best I can to keep myself out of the hospital. Each day that I’m not in there is a good day.